We Need Jobs!


With all the recent debate and the vote in the senate on extending the unemployment benefits, it is clear that we need jobs.  I know many people are against that move, but some Americans have gone a few years without working and if we do not extend this benefits, the economy will be the victim.  Believe it or not, there was a time when anyone who wanted a job could get one and the economy was strong.  So what happened?

Well there are many things that probably happened, but the most devastating was good, old-fashioned, capitalist greed.  The greedy business owners  figured out that it is actually cheaper to manufacture goods thousands of miles away and ship them to this country than it is to make them here.  By shipping jobs overseas they were able to make a few extra dollars for themselves and screw the working American.  After all, if the jobs are in China, then they are definitely not here.  That is clearly bad for the economy.

I have two different ideas that our federal or state government could help us out with in order to create more jobs and keep Americans working.  First, if it is bad for Americans to send jobs to China because there are fewer jobs in American, then I’d argue that it is bad for Pennsylvanians to send jobs to New Jersey, New York, Delaware, or any other state.  We should have the feds step in and stop all interstate commerce.  Think about it, if every state made its own cars and food and everything else we use, there would be more than enough jobs for everyone.  All the abandoned steel mills in PA would be operating and other states would be building their own steel mills! All states would have their own manufacturing jobs!  This might seem far-fetched, but think of all the jobs that would be needed just to kick-start this idea.  Instead of simply buying oranges from Florida, we Pennsylvanians could use our own resources to build our own climate-controlled greenhouses and grow our own oranges.  I can’t even imagine how many Pennsylvanian jobs would be created!  I know that some of you will disagree with this idea so I came up with an alternative. ..

My second idea might be a little more controversial, but please read until the end, this will probably work in the long run.  We could invade China, India, or any other country that is stealing our jobs and make them American.  That way the jobs would no longer be going to foreigners.  In the short run, people will be employed by making stuff for the war, just like WWII took us out of the depression.  Once we blow up our targets, and the stuff we just created, we’ll have to rebuild the buildings we took down (more jobs), then we’ll own the formerly Chinese factories.  The jobs we used to send overseas would now be domestic!

I realize this sounds insane, but think of it this way….What if the South had won the Civil War instead of the North.  We would be two countries instead of one.  In that case, it would be bad for Pennsylvania if they were sending jobs to South Carolina.  However, the North didn’t lose, so now it is no problem if Pennsylvanian companies send jobs to South Carolina.  How would it be any different if we just made China another state?  We could even make it several states since they would probably dominate the house of representatives.  In fact, I say we just take over the entire world. That way we would no longer have this problem of outsourcing jobs.

God Bless Freedom, Liberty, and Personal Property,

Slappy Jones II

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Murica! Fuck yeah!